So you just joined a new gym and you’re about to hit your first workout. Don’t expect to walk in and jump right into your workout like it’s your old gym. Your first workout is all about posture, trying to look cool without looking like you’re trying hard. Check out the new gym checklist and you’ll be lifting with the cool kids.
Rule number 1. Make sure your gym doesn’t say planet fitness
Be sure to check out Planet Fitness Member Gets Banned For Being Swole!
Rule number 2. Score a primo parking spot
This is your grand entrance. You want everyone to see you swag up and take the stage.
Rule number 3. The I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing bicep pump
This accomplishes two things: 1-you can scope out the gym without looking like a noob and 2-you can grab a nectar (neck-to) bicep pump before you move around the gym and are immediately judged.
Rule number 4. Have a plan
Don’t ever look lost. If the piece of equipment you want to use gets taken, don’t stand around with your thumb up your ass. Jump on the nearest piece of equipment and start repping out curls.
Rule Number 5. Find the biggest dude in the gym
Rule Number 6. Make sure it’s you
They say if you’re the most successful person in the room, then find a new room. If you’re the biggest dude in the room, make that room your gym.
Rule Number 7. Maintain hard-face
The key to looking cool is looking completely unapproachable.
Rule 8. Go heavy
Even though their eyes aren’t on you, you’re under the microscope, so give them something big to look at.
Rule 9. Pinpoint optimal lighting
There’s one spot in every gym with lighting like an instagram filter. Find this spot and do all your lifts here.
Rule 10. Engage selfie stealth mode on your phone (sound off, flash off)
If you’re lifting, you’re going to be taking selfies. This is a law of nature.
Rule 11. Do some random showoff lifts that have nothing to do with your current workout
If you can shoulder press 100lb dumbbells, then do some in between sets of crunches.
Rule 12. Seal the deal with some cardio
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